Preschoolers and Choices

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

As a college professor, I chose what committees I happily wanted to serve on. If the college dictated which committees I must be on, I wouldn't have been happy. What about you? Do you serve well if you have choices or have choices made for you? Our preschoolers are no different. They too like to have control. Giving them the power to choose encourages autonomy (independence) while minimizing conflict.

Choices Can Begin Early

Choices can actually begin when babies become toddlers. Simply asking, "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt today?" as you hold up the items provides a choice. A toddler can point which empowers them.

This or That?

Limiting choices helps preschoolers select. Many restaurant menus offer innumerable choices that sometimes overwhelm adults. Instead of asking your preschoolers, "What do you want?" ask, "Would you like chicken bites or a grilled cheese sandwich? Do you want milk or juice?" If the preschoolers are verbal, have the children order their own food.

More Choices Examples

Here are some more ways to give children choices. Instead of asking, "Do you want to take a nap?" (Why do parents ask this?) Inquire, "Do you want to nap with your teddy bear blanket or your doggie blanket?" When it's cold outside, don't ask, "Do you want to wear your jacket?" ask, "Do you want to put your shoes on first or your jacket?" After preschoolers make decisions based on two choices, gradually increase the number of choices. For example, "Do you want raisins, a granola bar, or yogurt for snack?"

 You'll discover that your preschoolers do better with choices just like we do.
Image from: www.stockpholio.com I Luv Pencils by Rex Boggs, 8413684208_4

Book Review: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

Twenty five years ago, the general population was told that children and teens adjust to divorce within five years after their parent's divorce. The controversial, New York Times Bestselling book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study, came along in 2000 and tells a different story. A story that is difficult to process and challenges American society's beliefs about divorce.

 

The Study

Wallerstein studied children of divorce since 1971, when she began observing some 131 children of divorced families in affluent Marin County, California. The original "children of divorce" study was funded by the Zellerbach Family Fund. Subsequent studies were done with the same children that ultimately led to The 25 Year Landmark Study.

The Book

The five-part, twenty-two chapter book presents a long-term perspective of children of divorce after they reach adulthood. "...when children of divorce become adults, they are badly frightened that their relationships will fail, just like the most important relationship in their parents' lives failed," (p. xiii).

College Students' Responses

I used an article based on this book in my college Child Growth & Development course for small group discussions. The topic stirs up intense emotions alongside powerful opinions based on students' personal experiences. The vast majority of students from divorced families agree with the authors' long-lasting effects of divorce.

Interesting Chapters

Some interesting chapters include: Growing Up Is Harder; The Wages of Violence; Our Failure to Intervene; Undoing the Past; and Growing Up Lonely. Since divorce is so prevalent in our society, this is a well researched and documented book on the effects of divorce that should be read by anyone touched by divorce.

Book Information: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, & Sandra Blakeslee, New York: Hyperion, 2000. Available from Amazon.com hardcover $17.56; paperback $11.62; audio cassette $5.48; and Kindle $9.99. 

Book Review: The Hurried Child: Growing up too fast too soon

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014
Author, Speaker, Educator

One of my favorite contemporary psychologists is David Elkind, author of the 25th Anniversary Edition of The Hurried Child. iHi The message in his original book published in 1981 was, "Give childhood back to children." As a child development specialist, his message echoes mine.

25th Anniversary Edition. Unfortunately, in his revised edition, the third edition, and now the 25th anniversary edition, the prefaces to his books sadly state that children are increasingly hurried. Interestingly, he includes all his previous prefaces in this edition.

First Edition. The first edition focused on the way parents, schools, and the media hurry children. Concerns about sports and schooling that he considered developmentally inappropriate, as well as the effects of sex and violence on television were key components of his book. 

Technology & Hurry. The latest edition adds information on the effects of technology on children with the pervasiveness of our hurried society and media. "In many ways, our new technologies have radically transformed childhood, and not always for the better," (p. viii). Other significant cultural changes include the focus on infant education, such as Baby Einstein and computer programs for infants and toddlers. Out of home child care for 12.5 million children under age five with an average of 36 hours per week is yet another cultural shift, as is the child as a consumer, and the technology empowered student.

Two Parts. This ten chapter book is dived into two parts: Our Hurried Children and Hurried Children: Stressed Children. Part one addresses the dynamics of how parents, schools, media and technology hurry children. Two excellent chapters in part 2 include Growing Up Slowly and How Children React to Stress. 

Hurrying Children. He's documented so many significant cultural changes around hurrying children, he's amended the closure from his first book to state, "In the end, a playful childhood is the most basic right of children," (p. xvii). This book is counter culture to our hurried society which is exactly why I like it. Let's give childhood back to our children. They deserve nothing less.

Book Information: The Hurried Child: Growing up too fast too soon by David Elkind, Ph.D., Da Capo Press, 2007, 25th anniversary edition. Available at amazon.com; paperback deluxe edition $12.42; Kindle $10.33.

To exercise or not to exercise?

 Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014
Author, Speaker, Educator

Has your doctor's suggested you exercise for health benefits? Did your friend suggest exercising as a way to lose weight? Do kids ask you if you're going to have a baby because of your tummy pouch? 

Should I exercise today or not? It's a question you may ask yourself on a regular basis. Nah, not today, I tell myself. It's raining. Maybe tomorrow...or if I'm lucky, maybe it will rain again. 

This week I spoke to a group of Mothers of Preschoolers in Tracy about The Physical Perspective. Most of us know that exercise is helpful to prevent weight gain, promote weight loss, or maintain our weight, but that doesn't always do the trick. 1 
 

Some of us are motivated by money. The Center for Disease Control says that exercise can significantly lower your annual direct medical costs. Getting people to exercise could cut yearly medical costs in the United States by more than $70 billion dollars. 2 What can it save you? 

Some of us are motivated by health. Exercise reduces your risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, and some cancers. 1, 2 It also reduces stress, depression and anxiety. 3 Enhancing mental performance and work productivity (whether your "work" is in your home or outside your home) are other benefits. Exercise can even improve your skin. 

But some of us are motivated by sex. The benefit the mothers' giggled about is that 20 minutes of exercise a day improves your sex life. 3 Who knew that the Harvard School of Public Health studies such things? It's true. Just 20 minutes/day Improves sexual response in women, leaves you feeling energized, and helps you feel more desirable. Dr. David Katz from Yale adds, "Working out with your partner not only will allow you to spend time together, but it will trigger adrenaline & other feel-good hormones to get you in the mood." 3 

I shared with the ladies, "If your husband finds out about this, chances are he'll ensure you get exercise time in!" Maybe that will work...rain or not! 

Sources: 

1. Physical Activity and Health, www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/everyone/health/ Accessed 10/23/2013. 

2. The Benefits of Physical Activity, Harvard School of Public Health, www.hsph.harvard.edu › The Nutrition Source. Accessed 10/25/2013. 

3. Image from www.stockpholio.com 5032496501 4, Pilates, US Army