Pretend and Imaginative Play

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

Strolling down the toy aisle with Parker, my three-year-old grandson, he's drawn towards playthings with push buttons. Buttons he hopes will make sounds and "talk" to him. As a child development specialist, I'm not too thrilled with his fascination because these toys don't leave much to the imagination.

"Grams, this one doesn't make any noise," he comments rather confused.

"You're right Parker, it doesn't. You have to use your imagination. You can pretend and make the stuffed dog say anything you want." An interesting concept for a child living in a computer generated world where imagination is virtually untapped.

Benefits. Pretend play helps children gain developmental benefits including creativity, imagination, self-confidence, mastering new concepts, and communication skills. So how can parents encourage pretend and imaginative play in a technological world? Provide open-ended toys and materials, dramatic play items, games, and interactions that facilitate children's play.

Open-Ended Toys. Begin by choosing toys and materials that are "open-ended." This means toys that offer different ways children can play with them. Examples of open-ended play items are blocks, cardboard boxes, wooden train sets, dress-up clothes, play dough, and art materials. Items children can build and create anything they dream of are ideal for imagination, such as: old fashioned wooden blocks, Duplos, Legos, Lincoln logs, Mega blocks, and magnetic blocks. One day children make a zoo while another time they construct a ferry.

Dramatic Play. Another way parents can enhance children's imaginations is through dramatic play. Building forts, houses, hospitals, and stores using common household items provides infinite creativity and pretending. Sheets, blankets, pillows, cardboard boxes, large appliance boxes, stools, chairs, and boards are great materials. Children can also imitate real-life events to advance pretend play. For example, if the dog goes to the vet, children can invent a pet hospital at home. A dentist's office, doctor's office, hair salon, pet store, or auto shop are other ideas.

Dress-up Clothes. Children also enjoy dress up clothes in adult sizes that you can discover at used clothing stores, such as Good Will. Choose items that represent both genders as well as clothes from different cultures. You'll enjoy watching your children try "adult" roles as they express themselves in pretend play.

Games. Games provide another way for expressing imagination. Once children learn rules to traditional board games ask them to generate a new game with different rules. You can also provide children with common game items and ask them to create a new game. "What kind of game can we play with a Frisbee and a ball?" You'll be amazed at how much fun they'll cultivate for your family

Benefits. Finally, talking to children while they play not only promotes children's vocabulary, communication skills, and storytelling, but helps children's imaginations. Suggestions like, "What else can you build?" or "How can you make your store higher?" stretches children's problem solving abilities and the beginnings of abstract thinking. Puppets are another great way to facilitate pretend play and vocabulary. A chair with a towel over it becomes a puppet stage. Encouraging your children to use their imaginations by providing a wide variety of play items and interactions will build skills that will last a lifetime.

Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ playful-spring-time-2-1187577-s. Accessed 4/23/2014.

Here's What's Happening

I'm back from the Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference. I learned a lot about the industry changes. It seems harder than ever to find an agent or get a book published. They are looking for writers who already have thousands of followers.

I'm busy replacing all the images on my blog that I thought I could use to ones that are for common use. Blogging Bistro is beginning the work on my logo for From Diapers to Diamonds, for my new web page. My blog will be contained within my web page. Stay tuned for more updates.

Six Year Old Boy Stabbed in the Neck with Pencil

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

Was it a stabbing or a poke with a pencil? Was it bullying or an accident? Why didn't the school call an ambulance or the police? Did the Turlock Unified District follow established protocol? The questions ruminating around California's Central Valley abound. But the one question that bothers me the most is, Why didn't the school intervene when the family previously reported bullying incidents?

Bully Workshop. I'm teaching a workshop next month at the California Association for the Education of Young Children's annual state conference in Pasadena, California. The workshop, Bullying 101: Helping the Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander; How Educators Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence, is based on a course I created for Merced College. This specific workshop is for adults working in kindergarten to third grade programs or schools.

Stories Abound. Any time I've had a conversation about my speaking engagement, someone shares a story. A story not unlike the "stabbing" story. "My (daughter, grandson, neighbor, friend, relative) has a child who was bullied. They reported it to the school over and over and nothing was done. The child changed schools."

More Columbines? How many more Columbines will it take for all schools to wake-up? How many more kids will take their own lives because of bullying, also called bullycide, before society demands bullying stops? How many times will I hear stories where no one intervened?

The Movie: Bully...I'll write more about bullying in the future and strategies that work. In the meantime, view the 2012 movie, Bully: It's Time to Take A Stand produced by The Weinstein Company and Where We Live Films, rated PG-13. I'd sure like to hear your thoughts on the film and bullying in schools.

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/pencil-and-postit-796599-m. Accessed 4/17/2014.

What is bullying?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014
Author, Speaker, Educator

How would you describe bullying? Has your child been bullied? Have you? Last week I taught a workshop at the California Association for the Education of Young Children (CAEYC) in Pasadena adults working with children in the primary grades. Over 50 educators actively participated in my workshop: Bullying 101: Helping the Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: How Educators Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence

The two months I spent preparing for this workshop were emotionally challenging. It was difficult to read books and research and view videos about what's happening on elementary campuses.

As I read specific about how bullying is defined, I often thought of the squabbles I observe weekly between five year olds. When a peer doesn't do what their friend wants, I hear, "You're not going to be my friend anymore," or, "You're not invited to my birthday party." If they are really upset, they might cite both sentences together. So is this bullying?

Bullying Defined. Although there are numerous bullying definitions, I chose this one because it contains multiple aspects. Three criteria distinguish bullying from other misbehaviors or isolated cases of aggression.

1.    "It is aggressive behavior or intentional harm doing.
2.   It is carried out repeatedly and over time.
3.  It occurs within an interpersonal relationship characterized by an imbalance of power." (1)

So are the squabbling five-year olds bullying? Their behavior is not always aggressive but they are saying these things to express frustration and it is most likely the meanest thing they know so say. The words are intentional, although very short lived. Later, they are once again friends and get re-invited to the party.  

Yes, it is carried out repeatedly over time, but by different children. It isn't only one or two children who make these threats against certain children. It seems to be a regular part of their interactions as they learn more appropriate social skills. Is it acceptable? To me, it is not. I'd like the teacher to intervene and explain how that hurts others' feelings and how to state their frustration in a more specific way. "I don't like it when you take my cars."

Finally, is there an imbalance in power? An imbalance of power could be by size, age, or abilities. Although the children are all different, I don't observe an imbalance of power. In this situation, I'd say that the children are not bullying, but learning how to express themselves; however, they need more adult guidance. What do you think? Are the children being bullies?  

Sources:
1. Hirsch, Lee & Lowen, Cynthia with Santorelli, Dina (Editors). Bully: An Action Plan for Teachers, Parents, and Communities to Combat the Bullying Crisis. [Companion to the Acclaimed Film Bully] New York: Weinstein Books, 2012, p. 232.
2. Image from: www.stockpholio.com At least I'm not a bully, Creative Commons, 4476645306_0.

The Forgotten Garden

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

Author, Speaker, Educator

The tomato plants hanging over the grow box creep onto the sidewalk fall chaotically onto my pathway look dead. It appears that someone at Stanford Hospital previously cared for these plants. There's evidence that tomato cages and stakes supported the plants growing tall and abundant. Now the cages lean haphazardly with the plants' heaviness. The plants are left to die during the cool fall days.

The dead plants remind me of my life. Dealing with undiagnosed brain impairment for the past five years, darkness clouds my former bubbly personality and positive outlook on life. After a long search, the doctors from the neurology & epilepsy department diagnosed me just last week. I'm one of the lucky ones. My diagnosis only took five years, while most people aren't diagnosed for seven years. My non-epileptic seizures don't change my disability status. I'm still unable to fulfill my college professor responsibilities. I feel isolated and alone especially since my life no longer centers on hundreds of students and colleagues.

Then I notice that the plants are not quite dead. I discover two tiny, green tomatoes. I touch them and wonder how they are surviving amidst this tangled and forgotten garden. My eyes burn and overflow with tears. How will I survive another dark day?

Since the garden is the only place where I'm allowed some fresh air during my hospitalization, I'm compelled to visit the garden every day to check on the tomatoes. Breathing in the crisp air while observing God's beauty, gives my heart a lift. The two small tomatoes are still growing amongst the neglected plants. If these two tiny tomatoes can thrive in this forgotten garden, maybe I can get better too.

Today as I approach the plants, they look worse than when I discovered them ten days ago. I hope my adopted tomatoes are still growing. But they're not.
             

"They're red," I exclaim to no one but myself. "My two green tomatoes are turning red."

I'm so excited I search through other vines parting their branches. I discover six tiny tomato buds on the first vine. On another I observe a dozen buds just forming in a row. Hundreds of tomato buds hang on the unkept plants.

What appears dead is still growing but unseen by those who pass by. I can't always see the buds God is growing in my life. Yet in His time, I see glimpses of "red" just like my two adopted red tomatoes. There's life amongst this forgotten garden. On this quiet nippy fall morning, I remember, God hasn't forgotten me either.

This was originally posted, but it currently isn't on my blog site. This was written while I was at Stanford Hospital in October 2012.

Image from www.stockpholio.com On it's way out. 7574858320_4.

Let's Make a Deal

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

All of us have situations in which there aren't any choices, like work requirements. Children need to learn that they don't always have a choice. Sometimes decisions are made by parents or other adults.

Safety Reasons

For example, parents are responsible for their children's safety. Dr. Sue Grossman, Assistant Professor at Eastern Michigan reminds parents that children can't play with everything, like the stove or burner controls when helping make cookies. (1)

Primary and Secondary Decisions

Sometimes they can't do something because of time constraints, like when parents need to drop the children off at pre-school and get to work. Parents make the primary decision, it's time to get ready, but then children can make subsequent, secondary choices, like what to wear or whether they want to pour in flour or chocolate chips for the cookies.

Accepting No

Dr. Grossman adds, "When children know that they will be given sufficient opportunities to choose for themselves, they are more willing to accept those important 'no choice' decisions adults must make for them." (1)

Sources:

1. Offering Children Choices: Encouraging Autonomy and Learning While Minimizing Conflicts, Sue Grossman, Ph.D., Early Childhood News, 2007. www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?...607. Accessed 3/25/2014. 

2. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ one-way-street-signs 1294579-m. Accessed 4/17/2014.