Back-to-School: Children & Sleep

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

Ahhhh, summer vacation. Swimming, camping, amusement parks, and later bed times for children. But school is just around the corner. How can parents help get their children's sleep back on schedule so they're not tired when school starts and the alarm goes off way earlier than in the summer?

About two weeks before school starts, calculate how much earlier your children need to get up for school. For example, is your child is sleeping in until 9:00 AM and will have to get up at 7:00 AM for school, that's two hours. Figure out roughly how much earlier they need to get up each day so that they're ready for the school alarm clock. If they got up just ten minutes earlier every day, they'd be on track for the earlier wake-up time.

While you're figuring out their wake-up times, just how much sleep does your child need? The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (2012) recommends that school age children (kindergarteners to 8th graders) need 9 to 10 hours of sleep. 9th and 10th graders need 9.25 hours while 11th and 12th graders need 8.5 hours. Your child needs more sleep if he/she has challenges getting up in the morning. Obviously, if your child falls asleep during school, he/she needs more sleep. Another reason your child may need more sleep if they are overly active and/or acting out.

Make bedtime consistent, relaxing routine. For younger children, a bath and story time are positive ways to end the day. If your children are sensitive to caffeine and/or sugar, eliminate these in the evenings. Don't forget, chocolate contains caffeine. Keep electronics out of the bedroom two hours before bedtime. Even the light from televisions or electronic devices can suppress the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps aides sleep. Following these suggestions and a healthy breakfast will help your child be ready to learn when he/she returns to school this fall.

Graphic: sleeping-child-1-1025338-m Stock XCHNG

Feeling Inadequate? Watch Children

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.

Parker's First Attempt at Caber Toss

D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

            Do you ever feel inadequate? Some days everything seems difficult. Simple things like opening a sealed bag or putting on my necklace are challenging because my coordination is poor.  Other times I can't find the right word or can't even express a sentence when my brain is off.  Yes, me, Chatty Cathy. I read a book that has many thought provoking statements. Hatch! Brainstorming Secrets of a Theme Park Designer by C. Mc Nair Wilson. He did in fact work for Disney as an Imagineer.  

            "If you feel in adequate, watch children. They are highly unskilled at pretty much everything they try. But they try everything. They don't listen to maturity's hot air about being responsible, careful, or correct. Instead they fill their lives with hot dreams and imagination and fly to the stars...They roll down grassy slopes, basking in the moon-glow and starlight of endless possibilities." (p. 68)

            What a great description of childhood. It is one reason I love being around them. After I was unable to work at Merced College, I missed watching children every day as they came and went from the Child Development Center. So I began volunteering in my grandson Parker's preschool class a year and a half ago. What a delight to be with him and his friends. They are constantly trying something new.

            On Saturday my husband participated as an athlete in the Modesto Highland Games. One event is the caber. My daughter calls it, "Man in skirt with telephone pole." Six to twelve year olds could sign up to learn. Parker is not quite six, so they let him "practice" two times after the older kids were done.

            He'd never turned a caber before. He may have seen it on a video. His Papa hadn't yet done that event. But he wanted to try. And try he did. He was able to turn it on the first toss. He was so proud of himself. I was proud of him too. Not so much that he turned it, but because he was willing to try even in front of a large group.

            If they offered adults to try and turn the caber, I'm guessing there would be few volunteers. Why? McNair summaries the answer best, "...we do not live our dreams because we're too busy living out our fears." (p. 66) Parker was not even remotely afraid. He didn't wonder what others would think. He didn't hold back in case he couldn't do it. He didn't doubt himself. He just went for it. What's the "caber" in your life you'd like to try? Maybe you can try it today.

(Village Books, 2012)

Book Review: The Hurried Child: Growing up too fast too soon

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014
Author, Speaker, Educator

One of my favorite contemporary psychologists is David Elkind, author of the 25th Anniversary Edition of The Hurried Child. iHi The message in his original book published in 1981 was, "Give childhood back to children." As a child development specialist, his message echoes mine.

25th Anniversary Edition. Unfortunately, in his revised edition, the third edition, and now the 25th anniversary edition, the prefaces to his books sadly state that children are increasingly hurried. Interestingly, he includes all his previous prefaces in this edition.

First Edition. The first edition focused on the way parents, schools, and the media hurry children. Concerns about sports and schooling that he considered developmentally inappropriate, as well as the effects of sex and violence on television were key components of his book. 

Technology & Hurry. The latest edition adds information on the effects of technology on children with the pervasiveness of our hurried society and media. "In many ways, our new technologies have radically transformed childhood, and not always for the better," (p. viii). Other significant cultural changes include the focus on infant education, such as Baby Einstein and computer programs for infants and toddlers. Out of home child care for 12.5 million children under age five with an average of 36 hours per week is yet another cultural shift, as is the child as a consumer, and the technology empowered student.

Two Parts. This ten chapter book is dived into two parts: Our Hurried Children and Hurried Children: Stressed Children. Part one addresses the dynamics of how parents, schools, media and technology hurry children. Two excellent chapters in part 2 include Growing Up Slowly and How Children React to Stress. 

Hurrying Children. He's documented so many significant cultural changes around hurrying children, he's amended the closure from his first book to state, "In the end, a playful childhood is the most basic right of children," (p. xvii). This book is counter culture to our hurried society which is exactly why I like it. Let's give childhood back to our children. They deserve nothing less.

Book Information: The Hurried Child: Growing up too fast too soon by David Elkind, Ph.D., Da Capo Press, 2007, 25th anniversary edition. Available at amazon.com; paperback deluxe edition $12.42; Kindle $10.33.

School Age Friendship Groups: Accepted and Rejected Children

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

The good news for parents is about 80% of children fall within the "accepted" children friendship group.¹ These children have at least one friend who protects them from experiencing long, lonely days in school.

The 20%. However, the remaining 20% are part of the "unclassifiable" group; they may have no friends at all. Psychologists are concerned about this bottom 20% on the social ladder. In this blog, we'll look at the three sub-groups, typical friendships characteristics of each, and how parents can help these struggling children with friendships.

Neglected Children. The first sub-group is the "neglected" children who tend to be very shy, comprising five percent of children.¹ Although the group sub-title sounds negative, these children are very close to their families and typically good students. They simply don't attract much attention from peers. Parents mainly need to accept their child's social style which was explained in my last blog, Parents Can Help with School Age Child's Friendships.

Controversial Children. The second sub-group, "controversial" children, also five percent, possess some traits peers like, but they also have annoying habits, such as: being a poor sport or poor hygiene.¹ These children need to be coached to give up annoying habits. Some parents think that by addressing these issues their children's self-esteem will suffer, but these children are already suffering silently. If children knew how to change their behavior, they already would have.

Adult Guidance. They need adult guidance and specific strategies for improving these habits. It can begin with a simple observation question. "Today when you were shooting hoops, did you notice that your friend was angry when you kept hogging the ball? What can you do differently next time you shoot hoops?" When parents gradually and consistently work with children on specific annoying behaviors, most children will improve over time.

Rejected Children. The last sub-group, the "rejected" children contain 10% of children.¹ These children lack important social skills in a wide variety of areas and may not cooperate or know how to respond in certain situations.² "Rejected children are either overly aggressive from the start and react to being rejected with more aggression, or they become depressed and withdrawn." ⁴

Missing Skills. Whereas the "controversial" children need some help on certain social issues, these children must be taught missing skills.² If not, this child will become a rejected adult. Maybe you know someone like this. They don't pick up on social cues and are observed as "misfits" at work and in social settings.

Life Skills. Now is the time for parents and schools to help these children develop the all important life skill of making friends. School administrators are a great resource to find out about arranging friendship groups that help rejected children make friends. "Just 6 to 8 meetings of such a group can have a significant positive impact. Administrators should also implement anti-bullying policies and train teachers to create a socially safe environment in the classroom."¹

Rejected, angry children may need counseling.

Help Finding Friendships. Both "rejected" and "controversial" children need help finding friendships in other venues beyond the school day. Spending time with neighbor kids or cousins is one way to begin. Children are in close proximity for observing interactions combined with "coaching" later. Joining a youth group, like Boy Scouts, Girls Scouts, or 4-H are other possibilities. Community service projects are great ways for children to learn social skills while helping others.

Extra Guidance. When your children are in the last two sub-groups, they will need extra guidance, direction and support. Overtime, your children will benefit from better friendships. Remember, "It only takes one real friend to alleviate the worse aspect of loneliness."¹

Sources:

1. Let's Be Friends: Help your child's friendships flourish — even in the face of difficulty. Scholastic Parent, www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/stages.../lets-be-friends. Accessed 10/17/2013.

2. Children's Health: Peer Pressure, www.healthofchildren.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.

3. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ gossip-girls-1-1966564-s. Accessed 4/18/2014.

Back to School & Sleep

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013
Author, Speaker, Educator

Ahhhh, summer vacation. Swimming, camping, amusement parks, and later bed times for children. But school is just around the corner. How can parents help get their children's sleep back on schedule so they're not tired when school starts and the alarm goes off way earlier than in the summer?

Do the Math. About two weeks before school starts, calculate how much earlier your children need to get up for school. For example, is your child is sleeping in until 9:00 AM and will have to get up at 7:00 AM for school, that's two hours. Figure out roughly how much earlier they need to get up each day so that they're ready for the school alarm clock. If they got up just ten minutes earlier every day, they'd be on track for the earlier wake-up time.

How Much Sleep? While you're figuring out their wake-up times, just how much sleep does your child need? The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (2012) recommends that school age children (kindergarteners to 8th graders) need 9 to 10 hours of sleep. Ninth and 10th graders need 9.25 hours while 11th and 12th graders need 8.5 hours.

More Sleep? Your child needs more sleep if he/she has challenges getting up in the morning. Obviously, if your child falls asleep during school, he/she needs more sleep. Another reason your child may need more sleep if they are overly active and/or acting out.

Routines Help. Make bedtime consistent, relaxing routine. For younger children, a bath and story time are positive ways to end the day. If your children are sensitive to caffeine and/or sugar, eliminate these in the evenings. Don't forget, chocolate contains caffeine.

Electronics & Sleep. Keep electronics out of the bedroom two hours before bedtime. Even the light from televisions or electronic devices can suppress the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps aides sleep. Following these suggestions and a healthy breakfast will help your child be ready to learn when he/she returns to school this fall.

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/watching-for-sandman-409757-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.

Quote of the Week

Seriously, the Phone Book?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2012

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Seriously Mom. You're going to use the phone book?" While contemplating the Yellow Pages' value, my daughter types in Papa Murphy's, our zip code, and locates a coupon...all on line. In seconds, she's ordering our garlic chicken pizza and cookie dough. I'm still wondering where I left my phone.

 "My six-week-old granddaughter is going to grow up without knowing about phone books," I mutter.

"When she's older, she can use it as a booster seat," my daughter jokes, trying to make me feel better. 

I don't feel any better. How different will my grandchildren's lives be from mine? How different than their parents' lives? My two-year-old granddaughter has a "game" on her Grams' phone, a recent Child Development Professor. How did I allow that? That's not developmentally appropriate, I chastise myself.

Yesterday my four-year old grandson inquired, "Grams, where's the video?" as I strap him in his car seat.

"Gram's car doesn't have one. We can talk," I proudly reply.  

Moment's later my daughter directs me to Kylie Ann's one month photos. "Just use the mouse and click on each photo," she explains.  "It won't work on the glass."

"Just use the phone book," she chuckles. "Now there's a use for your phone book." For a minute, I feel a little better. My phone book is still useful!

I return to my thoughts. My grandchildren won't even know that phone books existed. What a different world they'll live in; probably just as different as my childhood was from my great grandparents' childhood. They didn't know what telephone phone books were either.

Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/  old-telephone 822959-2. Accessed 4/18/2014.