Is Your Child a Quitter?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

Do you wonder if your child is a quitter? Does it seem like your son or daughter begin something gung ho and then loses interest? Parents can help prevent children from quitting by teaching their children decision making skills and follow through. When our six-year-old daughter wanted to play soccer, we discussed with her what the commitment would involve before she made a choice.

Book Review: My Sister's Keeper

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

When I taught Child Development in a Learning Community with an English teacher, all the reading was based on child development content. The fiction book we selected was My Sister's Keeper.

The Story. The story begins with a couple's decision to genetically engineer a baby to become a bone marrow match for the two-year-old sister Kate's leukemia. Although the book actually covers two weeks, with flashbacks, the reader gains a fuller picture of the three siblings' child and adolescent years.

Controversy. Author Jodi Picoult is known for taking real life controversial issues and presenting multiple views from various characters. How far would you go to save your child's life? Picoult weaves the view of the father, mother, oldest brother, sister Anna, sister Kate, Cambell (Anna's pro bono attorney), and Julia (Anna's guardian ad item) in this emotionally riveting book.

Life as a "Designer Baby." Since Anna's arrival as a "designer baby," she's had countless medical procedures to save her sister's life. At thirteen, when Anna's parents plan for her kidney donation, Anna makes a decision to sue her parents for the rights to her own body.

Movie Not the Same. If you've seen the movie released in June 2009 and haven't read the book, be prepared. The movie doesn't entirely follow the book. The 423 page book is far more emotionally gripping. The author takes readers on a distressing roller coaster ride. As with all good roller coaster rides, there's an unexpected twist at the end.

Food for Thought. This book is a tear jerker but gives such a concise picture of the struggles each family member deals with when a child is seriously ill. This book raises questions about medical ethics, family conflict, and the power of love. The book includes a Q & A section with the author and questions for discussion. When you read the book, you'll want to discuss it with someone.

Book Information: My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult, Washington Square Press, 2004. This book is available through Amazon.com. Paperback $12.67; Kindle $10.38; Hardcover $19.48; Audio CD $25.64.

Teens & Money Part 4: To Pay or Not to Pay?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

College expenses are rising every year and both students and parents alike wonder how they'll afford a college education. If you have the finances to pay for your child's entire college expenses, please reconsider.

When Parents Pay. As a college professor I've witnessed the results of parents paying for their kid's entire expenses. These students are less responsible for their education because they have no vested interest. I hear students flippantly comment, "So what if lost my textbook. Too bad I failed that class. I can just take it again. My parents will pay for...".

Your Student's Share. Consider allowing your student to pay for certain expenses, such as their clothing, entertainment, car payments and insurance, textbooks, course materials, or even several of these categories. It will pay off in dividends. They will become more conscientious students which ultimately results in less overall expenses. When students are vested in their education, they're more likely to attain their goals in a timely manner.

College and Car Insurance. If your son or daughter is attending college so their car insurance is covered under your policy, within six weeks, most of them won't be attending classes. When I meet students each semester I share, "Your parents' car insurance won't motivate you to arrive twice a week for an 8:00 A.M. class. You must have your own personal reasons for obtaining a college education or you'll drop out."

College Drop Outs. Unfortunately many young people drop out of college. A new study by Harvard University reports that, "Only 56% of the students who enter America’s colleges and universities graduate within six years, while only 29 percent of students who enter two-year programs complete their degrees within three years, the study found."¹

Expectations: Raising financially responsible young people is possible, but requires advanced planning. In order to train your son or daughter, you need to know what your financial expectations are for your family. Then together with your young person, you can create a financial plan that works for everyone.

Sources: 
1. Study: Nearly Half Of America’s College Students Drop Out Before Receiving A Degree, Travis Waldron on Mar 28, 2012, thinkprogress.org/education/2012/03. Accessed 6/10/2013.

2. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ accounting-calculator-and-planner 90371-m. www.whitespark.ca. Accessed 4/18/2014.

Book Review: Slouching Towards Adulthood

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

As I'm researching my book series, From Diapers to Diamonds: Raising Responsible Adults, I discovered a book that raises many of the issues I'm answering in this parenting series.

"Adultescents." Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest written by Sally Koslow documents why a generation of carefully nurtured young adults is delaying adulthood. Though she offers no solutions except during a brief last chapter, she simply reports what she discovered from research and interviewing parents and what she calls "adultescents" during 2010 and 2011.

The Book. This thirteen chapter book provides a picture of college graduates returning home and living with their parents another decade or so. In the first chapter, A Public Display of Reflection, she explains how she learned that "twenty-eight is the new nineteen," and included a new decade, the "odyssey, the decade of wandering that frequently occurs between adolescence and adulthood," (p. 11) and she panicked. This information triggered the impetus for her book.

Great Book. I found this book so engaging. It's flagged with countless post it notes and comments written throughout the book. She examines young adults' relationships to work or not to work, money, and their social lives. In chapter three: Choose Your Own Adventure, she addresses the challenges with decision making. "Forget Plan B. There isn't a Plan A," (p. 24).

No Place Like Home. This entitled generation comes home after college because "...there's nowhere else they could live better," (p. 68). Two of my favorite chapters include chapter five: The U-Haul as Umbilical Cord and chapter six: Adultesents Without Borders. If your children have returned home or you hope they don't return home, read this book. It gives a solid picture of what's going on with the current generation of "adultescents."

Book Information: Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest, Sally Koslow, Viking Penguin Group, 2012. Available at Penguin.com. Hardcover $25.95; paperback $16.00; eBook $9.99.

Teens & Money Part 3: To Work or Not to Work?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

 

Maybe you've asked yourself, should my teenager get a job? If and when your teenager gets a job is a controversial decision. Many parents don't want their young person to work and focus only on school. Others expect their teens to work and contribute to the family's income. This has become more of a reality for many families due to the economy. 
 

Benefits of Working

A young person working has many benefits.

1. They become more financially responsible when it comes to spending "their" money. They can purchase things that are beyond the family budget, such as a car or a stereo system.
2. They can save for long-term expenses, such as college or a down payment on a car.
3. They learn how to set priorities, and manage both their money and time more effectively.

 

Number of Hours

A longitudinal study showed that the number of hours 10th grade and 12th grade high school students work is correlated to their grade point averages.  "The determining factors seem to be the number of hours worked during a week. Students who work less than 13 hours a week in the 10th grade and less than 11 hours a week in the 12th grade perform better than students who do not work but once students exceed the number of hours per week there is a significant drop in their GPA's compared to non-working students."¹

Work Experience
Teens also gain valuable work experience especially if they can find work related to their interests. Many colleges ask applicants to list work experience or volunteering related to the school they're applying to. For example, if your child wants to become a veterinarian, help them locate work with animals. If they're headed towards a medical career, find work in a doctor's office or hospital.  

Hidden Costs
There's a hidden cost of your son or daughter not liking their future career upon graduation. It is cost effective to insure your kids like the field they are studying.  I can't tell you how many teachers I know who earned a teaching credential, only to find out within five years of employment, they don't really like kids. What if they found that out in advance by working in your city's recreation department or in a children's Sunday School class? Getting a job after a college degree and finding out they don't like this work is extremely expensive not only financially, but in time and energy as well.

            
After Graduation
A final benefit of teens working is that they gain work experiences that will assist them upon college graduation. Since there's so much competition for jobs amongst college graduates, related work experience and volunteering adds to their potential employability. Yes, there are a few disadvantages of teens working, but what they gain towards becoming a responsible adult far outweighs the cons.

Sources:
1. Quirk, Kimberly J., Timothy Z. Keith, and Jeffery T. Quirk. "Employment During High School and Student Achievement: Longitudinal Analysis of National Data." Journal of Educational Research, 95 (2001).

2. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/  online-jobs-concept 1417325-m. Accessed 4/18/2014.

Quote of the Week

Book Review: All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

I consider David Elkind's book, All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis, a sequel to The Hurried Child previously reviewed. He felt compelled to write this book since many of the hurried children were now teenagers. "The result is a staggering number of teenagers who have not had the adult guidance, direction, and support they need to make a healthy transition to adulthood," p. vii.

Three Parts: This three part book is divided into Part I Needed: A Time to Grow; Part II Given: A Premature Adulthood; and Part III Results: Stress and Its Aftermath. The book is well documented with references. An appendix provides a list of services for troubled teenagers.

Adolescents, Not Children. Elikind begins his book by tracing the history of teenagers in chapter 1: Teenagers in Crisis. The next chapter provides an excellent understanding of how adolescents think in Thinking in a New Way. The Perils of Puberty follows in chapter 3. Chapter 4 Peer Shock addresses the three ways adolescence differs from childhood.

Part II of All Grown up and No Place to Go addresses the Vanishing Markers that have contributed to "...the absence of a special place for teenagers in our society..." p. 111. Chapter 6 identifies the Postmodern Permeable Family followed by School for Scandal. Part III concludes with Stress, Identity, and the Patchwork Self; Teenage Reactions to Postmodern Stressors, with the last chapter providing valuable information for Helping Teenagers Cope.

A Must Read. If you are a parent, relative, educator, social worker, or a person who has contact with teenagers, this book is a must read. No one explains the cultural changes and how they've negatively affected adolescents like psychologist David Elkind.

Book Information: All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis by David Elkind, De Cappo Press, Revised Edition 1998. Barnes & Noble paperback $13.62.