Peer Pressure: 5 to 8 Year Olds

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator
 

"Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind." ---Dr. Seuss

Since school age children are experiencing peer pressure, what does it look like? You may hear a child say, "If you're my friend, you'll play this game with me," or "I'm mad at _______, so don't talk to her." Peers may pressure a child to ride their bikes too far from home or play with a gun. They may think it is funny to cut people out of the group or make fun of someone for any number of reasons. ¹

Positive Peer Pressure? But peer pressure isn't all negative. Dr. Melanie Killen, a developmental psychologist at the University of Maryland found, "The emergence of peer groups in elementary school also aids children's development by providing positive friendships, relationships, and social support." ²

Pleasing Others. Children ages 5 to 8 make a concerted effort to please their friends, classmates, and playmates, which is one reason this age can be so enjoyable. A positive aspect of peer pressure is that they can encourage each other to strive to do better in school, sports and creative activities. On the other hand, if the child acts in a way that is not natural for the child, this can be negative peer pressure. ³

Why Children Give In. The reasons school-age children give in to peer pressure aren't much different than the reasons adolescents or even adults fall into peer pressure. They want to be liked and fit in. And who doesn't want that? They worry that others kids may make fun of them. Perhaps the child is simply curious and wants to try something new.

Experimenting? The common saying, "Everyone's doing it," influences some kids to ignore their better judgment or their common sense. ⁴ The child may be trying to figure out who he is by experimenting with his identity. ⁵ Parents may observe their child changing hair styles or hair color and wearing different clothing styles.

Be Aware. It is important for parents to be aware of what peer pressure looks like for school age children and remember that peer pressure can have many positive aspects. As you help your child develop socially, remember the reasons that they may fall into peer pressure.

Sources:

1. Peer Proofing Your Child-Teen, Part 5, By Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, 2006, www.familiesonlinemagazne.com/peerpressure/peerproofing5.html. Accessed 10/2/2013.
2. Younger Than You Think: Peer Pressure Begins in Elementary School, Rick Nauert, Ph.D., June 6, 2013, www.psychcentral.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
3. Children's Health: Peer Pressure, www.healthofchildren.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
4. Children's Health: Peer Pressure, www.healthofchildren.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
5. The Influence of Peer Pressure: Help Your Child Navigate Through Peer Pressure, Gwen Morrison, family.go.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
6. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ 8-hands 12858422-s. Accessed 4/18/2014.

A Quiz: Are you a Helicopter Parent?

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Helicopter parents can be identified by their tendency to hover close to their child, ready to come to the rescue at the first sign of difficulty or disappointment," explains Indiana University psychologist, Chris Meno. ¹ She counsels "over-parented" college students on gaining independence. 

Hovering Parents. "Helicopter parents can be identified by their tendency to hover close to their child, ready to come to the rescue at the first sign of difficulty or disappointment." ¹

Here's a quiz to help determine if you tend to allow your child to be responsible for her actions or if you lean towards helicopter parenting.

Child or Teen? I've used the term "child," but you can also substitute the word child for "teen." I'm looking for 5 more questions to add to the "quiz." If you have a question or two to add, please post a comment. Thanks.

Questions

1.     Do you wake up your child to get ready for school?

2.     Do you continually remind your child it's time to get up?

3.     Do you keep repeating, "We leave for _____ (school, practice, or church) in ____ minutes."?

4.     If your child is late, do you change your schedule to accommodate your child's tardiness?

5.     Do you take responsibility for your child's things, like packing her sports bag for practice or his backpack?

6.     Do you complete or adjust your child's homework and/or project until it meets your standards?

7.     Do you take your child's homework, music instrument, and/or project to school if your child forgets it?

8.     Do you allow your child to stay home "sick" because he has a project due that isn't done or a test she didn't study for?

9.     Do you call or email your child's teacher over grades or assignments?

10.  Do you make excuses for your child's misbehavior, such as, "The referee made a bad call."?

11.  Do you run on the sports field immediately if your child's hurt?

12.  Do you rush in to settle your child's disputes to ensure it is settled fairly?

13.  When your child fails at something, do you reward him for trying?

14.  Do you wait on your child by getting her snack or something to drink?

15.  Do you make something different because your child doesn't like what everyone else is eating?

16.  Do you expect your child not to do chores since school is his "work"?

17.  Do you manage your child's schedule?

18.  Do you call or text your child many times a day to check in?

19.  Is your child your best friend?

20.  Do you manage your child's money? Allowance?

Answer Key:

If you typically answered "never or rarely," you tend to allow your child to be responsible for his actions.

If you generally answered "sometimes," you frequently allow your child to be responsible for her actions, but sometimes you rescue your child.

If you answered "usually" to the majority of the questions, you typically rescue your child and take responsibility for him. This is referred to as "helicopter parenting."

Next Blog: 5 to 8 Year Olds and Peer Pressure

Source:

1. "Helicopter parents" stir up anxiety, depression, Indiana University, IU Newsroom, newsinfo.iu.edu › Newsroom Home › Newsletter Home‎. Accessed 10/8/2013.

2. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/. helicopter-3-1032378-m. Accessed 4/17/2014.
  

Peer Pressure & Helicopter Parents

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else,

which makes you unique." ---Walt Disney

A generation ago, I didn't teach parents of school-age children how to instruct their children about peer pressure. But times have changed. Unfortunately, peer pressure, is starting earlier; happening at lightning speeds; on an unprecedented scale; and is fueled by social media. To make matters worse, today's children may be less equipped to resist peer pressure, due to overprotective "helicopter parents." ¹

Helicopter Parents Defined. Jennifer O'Donnell defines the term "Helicopter parents" "as a group of parents who engage in the practice of over-parenting. Helicopter parents are accused of being obsessed with their children's education, safety, extracurricular activities, and other aspects of their children's lives." ²

Another Definition. Another description by Indiana University psychologist Chris Meno adds, "Helicopter parents can be identified by their tendency to hover close to their child, ready to come to the rescue at the first sign of difficulty or disappointment." ³

Helping or Hindering? Parents mistakenly believe they're helping their children; however, their hovering and doing almost everything for their children is actually hindering them. These children cope less effectively than other children.  Since the parents have trouble setting limits for their children, the children have a hard time setting limits for their friends. ¹

Next Blog:  Are You a Helicopter Parent?

Sources:

1. Peer Pressure: Why it seems worse than ever and how to help kids resist it, Malia Jacobson, August 29, 2013, www.parentmap.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
2. What are Helicopter Parents? Jennifer O'Donnell, About.com Guide. Accessed 10/8/2013.
3. "Helicopter parents" stir up anxiety, depression. Indiana University, IU Newsroom, newsinfo.iu.edu › Newsroom Home › Newsletter Home‎. Accessed 10/8/2013.
4. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ unhappy-920220-s. Accessed 4/18/2014.

New Opportunity for Fritzemeier's Footnotes!

Dear Friends & Readers,

I'm excited to let you know I'll be doing some writing now for "SheKnows," a  magazine that features lots of great articles and tips for moms, young and not so young.

Here's a link to their online site.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1005839/signs-your-child-is-or-isnt-ready-for-preschool

Blessings,

Dr. F

Something New

By Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

On October 5th, I'm going to do something I've never done before.  For several months I've been exercising twice a week and doing some bike riding. My husband and I ride on some bike paths, but mostly I ride in our neighborhood by myself.  Well, almost by myself.

Dancing in Circles. I wear a front pack that carries my ferocious Chihuahua, Grace. Despite the fact that she barks all the time at home, she's the perfect bike passenger. She dances in circles when I ask, "Do you want to go on a bike ride?" and rarely makes a peep on the ride. I always feel safe when she rides with me.

Half-Way There. Today I'm proud of myself because I met my half way goal for my new adventure. I'll be riding a 20 mile bicycle "Fun Ride" at Clear Lake. I rode ten miles today. We're not discussing time here, just the distance. 

I Paid for That?. I've never done anything like this before. For those of you who know me, I'm not very coordinated and not even a teeny bit athletic. But I like riding my bike outside.  I love to see God's beauty and listen to the birds as I pedal along. I needed some kind of goal.

The Ride. I checked bike club rides but most are over 25 miles, so I had to start somewhere. I found this ride in a bike riding booklet. I even bought a pair of bike shorts. I never paid so much money for something so ugly. Oh, except for my hiking vest and pants when I started bird watching and hiking. I'm not sure which are the ugliest. 

What About You? So I'm doing something totally out of my comfort zone. What about you? or your children? Have your children or teens been talking about something they want to do...someday? Is there something you've thought about trying but decided not to? Schools started this week in Modesto. A new school year is the perfect time to choose to do something new. I'd like to hear your stories of your new adventures. I'll keep you posted on mine.

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/bike-route-both-directions-logo-1416709-m. Accessed 4/17/2014.

Back to School: Study Habits

Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013
Author,  Speaker, Educator

Habits Begin Early. Children typically start getting homework in kindergarten. Many teachers send home a packet for parents to complete with their children during the week and return on Friday. The homework time is about 10 minutes per day for four days.

Some Families Ignore Homework. Unfortunately, many kindergarten teachers I know report that a large number of families don't do the homework with their kindergarteners. If parents don't begin establishing an important homework routine during kindergarten, their children will most likely struggle academically as school isn't a priority for these families.

Transition Time After School. Children need time to play and eat a snack when they get home from school or at their after-school programs. Just as parents need time to transition from work to home, children need this transition time as well. They've been in school all day and they need a break from academics. After an hour or so, they can do their homework.

Monitoring Homework. For first through third grades, parents will need to monitor their children's homework time. Restrain from doing the homework for your children. Have a designated area for homework. Many families use the kitchen table or counter. Keep school supplies nearby for convenience. This also helps children stay on task as they're not roaming around trying to find supplies. Its best to turn off the television and electronics so children can focus better. Active children need to do 15 minutes of homework and take a break. Then they can do another round of 15 minutes.

Transition Year. By fourth grade, hopefully the after school or evening homework routine is strong enough that children can start being accountable for initiating their own homework time. Fourth grade is a critical transition year for children. They go from cooperative learning in kindergarten through third grade; whereas, in fourth grade, the students do more individual work.  Parents must make sure their children are making this transition successfully and continue to ensure that the child is doing his/her homework. 

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/student-1-1361797-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.