10 Parental Roles in Reducing School Age Children's Negative Peer Pressure, Tips 8, 9, & 10

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

This is the last of a five blog series on parents' roles in reducing negative peer pressure for school age children. Today we'll look at tips 8, 9 and 10.  

 

Suspending Judgment. The eighth tip is suspending judgment when your child confides in you about his/her peers.¹ Sometimes the “friend” is actually the child him or herself so watch what you say. Your goal is to learn more about the situation by keeping communication open. Become an expert on asking open-ended questions. For example, “Sounds like Matthew's really struggling. What could you do to help him through this tough time?”

           

Ignore Shocking Statements. Closely related is tip nine, ignore shock value statements. Sometimes it feels like kids just want to push your buttons, but what they're actually doing is figuring out what they believe. For example, a child who is raised in a church might say, "I don't want to go to church anymore. I don’t think there's really a God."

Overreacting? Most parents tend to over react. "How can you say that after all we've taught you?" A better response is, “Tell me what you’re thinking about.” Help the child reach his or her own conclusions. Eventually, children need to take on their own personal beliefs and values. Over reacting will only push them away.

Warning Signs. The last tip is looking for signs that peer pressure is becoming a problem. If you notice attitude changes; withdrawal; sudden materialism; and/or intense interest in "taboo" behaviors or possessions, you may want to consider professional help.² Often these indicators are beyond parents' skills and expertise. Using some or all of these parenting tips will help your school age child deal with negative peer pressure.

Next Blog: Positive Peer Pressure

Sources:

1. When Peer Pressure is Good For Your Child, Carolyn Hoyt, Good Housekeeping, Women.com Networks, Inc.
2. Peer Pressure: Why it seems worse than ever and how to help kids resist it, Malia Jacobson, August 29, 2013, www.parentmap.com. Accessed 10/5/2013.
3. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ top-secret-637885-m. Accessed 4/18/2014.

10 Parental Roles in Reducing School Age Children's Negative Peer Pressure, Tip 7

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

The fourth of five blogs and the seventh parenting tip for helping reduce negative peer pressure for school age children is to become aware of "virtual" peer pressure and intervene early. A few months ago when I prepared this material for a group of school age parents in Ceres, California, I became distraught about the potential negative consequences of technology.

Everyone Knows. "Children can reject and blackmail others, encourage hate groups and ostracize others instantly. In the past, only your child's class knew if he was ostracized, today, with Facebook, everyone knows, everyone can see it and everyone reads it right now." ¹

 

Collecting "Likes." Just as financial numbers equal power for some adults, popularity numbers are powerful for various school age children. "Children collect friends and 'likes' to demonstrate their popularity and influence--which can be used to pressure peers with a few keystrokes.

 

A Bully's Power. Behind a screen, a bully has power." ¹ Bullying has expanded way beyond the school walls. I can't count the number of television programs and movies I've watched about cyber bullying. Children can view so many negative comments and hatred online that it is easy for them to believe that saying things like this is okay. It eventually normalizes "bad" behavior. ¹ And this bad behavior gains attention.

 

Using Technology. So as parents, do we prohibit our children from using the Internet? Some parents do, but the benefits of correctly using technology far outweigh the negatives. Here are five simple ways parents can help protect their children online.

 

Ways to Protect Online

1. Connect to your children's accounts immediately. Control their passwords. Don't be passive. If you begin monitoring when they're young, they'll get used to it.
2. Keep computers in the family living areas where people are around. This helps remind you and your children that you are monitoring their activity.  Role model this open accountability standard by using your computer in the same way.
3. Teach your child to use the computer correctly. There are so many fun options for them, keep them busy with learning activities.
4. Periodically check the search bar and view the site history and cache. Teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable for your family. What are warning signs that they are heading towards "dangerous ground”? Here’s one potential warning sign: The cache is empty when you view it!
5. Install a family-friendly software program that helps monitor your Internet. There are many available, even free programs.  Consider using a program that reports all activity via email, rather than one that simply blocks certain words.

 Feedback. If you've used software programs for internet safety, please post your results: good, bad, or otherwise. This can be helpful for other parents.

 

Sources:

1. Peer Pressure: Why it seems worse than ever and how to help kids resist it, Malia Jacobson, August 29, 2013, www.parentmap.com. Accessed 10/5/2013. 

 

2.  Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ victoria-and-the-laptop 1019022-m. Accessed 4/18/2014.

 

10 Parental Roles in Reducing School Age Children's Negative Peer Pressure, Tip 6

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

This is the third of five blogs featuring 10 tips for parents to help reduce negative peer pressure with their school age children.

Mr. Rogers was Right. The sixth tip is to get to know the parents of your children's friends and adults in your neighborhood. Most children attend elementary schools in the neighborhoods where they live; therefore, many of your children's friends will live close by. Who are the people in your neighborhood?  

Reduce Crime.  In an age of automatic garage door openers where neighbors can come and go without interacting with others, how can you get to know your neighbors? One way is to begin a Neighborhood Watch program with the help of your local police or sheriff department. Neighborhood Watch is built on the concept that knowing your neighbors helps reduce crime. Crime reduction appeals to many people living right near you.

           
Fun Ideas. National Night Out (NNO) is celebrated the first Tuesday in August. Communities across the United States are encouraged to plan an evening to get to know their neighbors. In Modesto, California, a city in Central California, finds that NNO grows in popularity every year. In many communities like ours, National Night Out is sponsored by the city's police department.

McGruff & Horses. Every year is different, but community service representatives arrive at these neighborhood events scattered around the city. One year two mounted police officers paraded about on horses. Another year firemen showed off their fire truck. A favorite was the year McGruff, The Crime Dog, arrived in a black limousine to remind us to, "Take a bite out of crime." McGruff even has a web page for teaching kids safety featuring games, videos, advice, and downloads. ¹

Neighborhood Events. Block parties and other neighborhood events we've organized, such as holiday caroling and 4th of July dessert followed by fireworks facilitate building relationships with others and making community connections. These adults are potential role models for your children. Teenagers are possible baby-sitters. One elderly couple on our street serves as honorary grandparents to countless school age children.

Common Ground. Seek other parents who have similar family guidelines. Try talking about common ground rules, like a parent needs to be home when friends are visiting. You may encounter more families with similar values than you expect. We did. We discovered like-minded adults in every neighbored who became significant others in our daughters' lives. Getting to know neighbors is a terrific strategy for helping your children reduce negative peer pressure.  

     

Source:

1. McGruff, The Crime Dog. www.mcgruff.org. Accessed 12/10/2013.

2. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ small-town-1276290-m. Accessed 4/18/2014.