Designer Jeans, Coupons and Budgets for Teens

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Why do we always have to use a coupon to buy my clothes?" laments my eleven-year-old daughter. "I want them today."

"You know we have a clothing budget. We can get more for our money if we wait until the item is on sale and we have a coupon," I try explaining once again.

"Everyone else's mom just buys their designer jeans even if they're not on sale," she retorts trying for the mother guilt button. 

But this conversation changed significantly one year later when our seventh grader was given her very own clothing budget. "Mom, do you have any coupons? I need some jeans," I proudly heard. She was allotted a monthly amount but could use up to three months of budget money at a time if necessary. Since our daughters were in year-round school, budget money for three months seemed reasonable.

No, we didn't just give our adolescents money and let them have a free for all. We talked about special events coming up, seasonal items like coats and swimsuits, what still fits from last season, do they need new undergarments, what about shoes, ways they can update their wardrobe inexpensively, and yes, how buying items on sale and using coupons saves money. Because they knew the cost of every item purchased, they took great care of their clothes when they began doing their own laundry at age thirteen (see previous blog, Laundry or Writing?).

As they entered high school and needed dresses for special events such as the winter formal and the prom, we paid for half the dress cost up to a certain amount. Young men will need additional budget money for winter formal sports coats and renting tuxedoes for the prom. When they wanted additional clothing or designer clothing items that cost more, they used gift money or worked for extra money. Other families we know paid up to a certain amount for clothing items, such as a pair of jean or athletic shoes, and the young person paid the difference.

I'm purposely not sharing how much money we gave them for two reasons. They are young adults and inflation has occurred since they were teenagers. Secondly, each family has an income; some may have a larger budget for clothing, while others families will have smaller budgets. You may think you can't afford to give your adolescents a clothing budget, but if you honestly track how much you spend on their clothes, shoes, undergarments, etc. it adds up quickly. The point isn't so much about how much you allot for their budget, but teaching them the principles of money management.

When you transition the budget responsibility to your young adults, please resist the temptation to rescue them when they spend all their clothing money and need something. They will not learn to plan ahead and use their money wisely if you rescue them. Keep in mind that they will eventually learn to live with the consequences if you allow them opportunities to learn. And in no time, they'll start asking, "Do you have any coupons?" and you will know you've done your job.

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/.sale-1430736-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.

 

Something Happened

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014

Author, Speaker, Educator
 

Something happened tonight that hasn't happened in seven years.

"Surprise," I chime in alongside friends gathered to celebrate our friend's 65th birthday.

I sit comfortably in a tan wicker rocking chair on the back patio while I engage in conversations. I catch up with some friends and reconnect with another I haven't seen in years. The carrot cake is delicious. I savor every bite. I'm comfortable updating friends about my life, my adult daughters, and of course, those three precious grandchildren.

But it's what I don't do that's significant. I don't sit quiet as a mouse observing so I can conserve my energy. I don't leave the group because it's too noisy to find solitude in a peaceful location. I don't excuse myself to clean up my usual spilt drink as I don't spill my Diet Coke.

I don't startle and jump because someone drops a fork on the tile. I don't roam around searching for the family cat so petting kitty provides a legitimate distraction. I don't hide behind my camera when I can't understand the conversation.

I don't wander off to "help" since I can't construct a coherent thought or form a complete sentence.
I don't walk to my car to dig up something I "forgot" when I can't track the cross talk of multiple conversations. I don't go through the motions because I'm disconnected, staring off with a blank expression.

Tonight, I do none of these things. The things I've managed to do for seven years to compensate for my brain impairment in social settings. Indeed, something happened tonight. I initiated conversations. I added to stories. I asked questions. I laughed. I enjoyed myself fully...I didn't escape.

Image from: www.stockpholio.com 4618335923_3 Tate Modern Tribute.

Dancing Dog

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2014

Author, Speaker, Educator



Dancing Dog in Front Pack

It is 108°. The A/C is still not working. It's really too hot to do much of anything. I can't get much done sitting in front of the fan, so I sweat through the day doing what I can. I certainly can't ride my bike in this heat.

I'm going to ride in the morning. But that's my prime writing time, I argue with myself. But if I don't, I won't be primed to ride 40 miles at the Clear Lake Konocti Challenge in October.

I get up twenty minutes earlier. Throw on old clothes. Feed the dog. Feed the fish. Drink my Boost. Get my water. All I need now are my shoes and helmet. As I reach towards my bike shoes on the closet floor, I notice Dancing Dog. She's so excited anticipating that I'll take her on my bike ride, she pirouettes. Again. And again. And again.

 "Do you want to go on ride?" She pirouettes even faster; then races down the hallway towards the closet that stores her front pack.

"Stop dancing so I can put you in your pack." Then we're off for a morning ride. Dancing Dog takes it all in. She's observing what's going on, smelling the fresh air, and holding her head boldly while the wind blows on her face. She's simply taking in the moment.

I'm still grumbling. I'd rather ride in the late afternoon. I'm missing my writing time. Then I restate the truth. I'm delaying my writing time. I will write after my eight-mile ride.

With the writing dilemma settled, I focus on my ride and am in the moment, just like Dancing Dog.

"Dancing Dog, do you see the kitty?... Hi kitty cat," I sing-song as if both animals will answer. I'm now aware of the birds' songs in the quiet neighborhood. I observe a breeze, just enough to keep me comfortable.

Ahh, this is why I like bike riding. I'm in the fresh air enjoying God's nature and beauty. Oh yeah, and getting some exercise too.

Before I know it, we're heading home. Releasing Dancing Dog from the front pack, she reluctantly jumps out. I view emails as I cool down. Then I write. And Dancing Dog? She's lying next to me, living in the moment, yet anticipating our next adventure.

Feeling Inadequate? Watch Children

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.

Parker's First Attempt at Caber Toss

D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

            Do you ever feel inadequate? Some days everything seems difficult. Simple things like opening a sealed bag or putting on my necklace are challenging because my coordination is poor.  Other times I can't find the right word or can't even express a sentence when my brain is off.  Yes, me, Chatty Cathy. I read a book that has many thought provoking statements. Hatch! Brainstorming Secrets of a Theme Park Designer by C. Mc Nair Wilson. He did in fact work for Disney as an Imagineer.  

            "If you feel in adequate, watch children. They are highly unskilled at pretty much everything they try. But they try everything. They don't listen to maturity's hot air about being responsible, careful, or correct. Instead they fill their lives with hot dreams and imagination and fly to the stars...They roll down grassy slopes, basking in the moon-glow and starlight of endless possibilities." (p. 68)

            What a great description of childhood. It is one reason I love being around them. After I was unable to work at Merced College, I missed watching children every day as they came and went from the Child Development Center. So I began volunteering in my grandson Parker's preschool class a year and a half ago. What a delight to be with him and his friends. They are constantly trying something new.

            On Saturday my husband participated as an athlete in the Modesto Highland Games. One event is the caber. My daughter calls it, "Man in skirt with telephone pole." Six to twelve year olds could sign up to learn. Parker is not quite six, so they let him "practice" two times after the older kids were done.

            He'd never turned a caber before. He may have seen it on a video. His Papa hadn't yet done that event. But he wanted to try. And try he did. He was able to turn it on the first toss. He was so proud of himself. I was proud of him too. Not so much that he turned it, but because he was willing to try even in front of a large group.

            If they offered adults to try and turn the caber, I'm guessing there would be few volunteers. Why? McNair summaries the answer best, "...we do not live our dreams because we're too busy living out our fears." (p. 66) Parker was not even remotely afraid. He didn't wonder what others would think. He didn't hold back in case he couldn't do it. He didn't doubt himself. He just went for it. What's the "caber" in your life you'd like to try? Maybe you can try it today.

(Village Books, 2012)

Ideas for, "There's nothing to do."

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

 

                Summer's beginning. It won't be long until your kids' whine, "There's

nothing to do."

                But don't sweat it; here are ten summer fun activities that will keep

your children occupied.

1.      Pitch a tent in the backyard and camp with Smokey the Bear

2.     Plant seeds and grow healthy vegetables to harvest and cook. I just planted sunflowers for the birds to eat this fall.

3.      Take old bread to the park and feed the birds.

4.      Sprinklers are a forgotten play activity with so many yards watered automatically. With water shortages, turn off automatic sprinklers. Parents can easily adapt water volume for small children or bigger kids.

5.     Nature scavenger hunt. Identify items for children to find. They can draw what they find, mark it off a list, or take photos of each item.

6.      Remember sidewalk chalk. Lets children express their creativity and washes off easily.

7.     Dig in the dirt with shoes off. Shovels, water, containers, and trucks provide lots of fun. Hose down children when done! This is one of my grandson's favorite activities. I keep a dirt area in the yard just for mud play.

8.       Tricycle/Bicycle Derby. Decorate bikes. Bike races by age groups. When we did this in our neighborhood, a boy in a wheel chair participated too.  

9.       Pets on Parade. Gather the pets, dress them up, and have a parade on your sidewalk. (Cats and dogs on leashes.)

10.   Don't forget Flag Day on June 14th. Buy flags from a dollar store. Children create instruments such as drums, shakers, and tambourines. Then form a parade on your neighborhood sidewalks.

Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/  sun flower 1442107 by  Greeber.

100 Year Anniversary of Mother's Day and Attachment

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D.

Author, Speaker, Educator

 

Did you know that 2014 is the 100th anniversary of mother's day?

 

Two weeks ago, Lois M. Collins, from the Deseret News National Edition, interviewed me about attachment and mothers. The part of the article I'm quoted in is below.

 

Follow the link to read the entire article.

 

Mother's Day 100-Year History

 

In the 19th century, Americans began what Matt calls a "sentimentalization of mothers," who were featured lovingly in songs and stories and heavily celebrated for their virtue. "It began a new focus on mother love, warmth and tender ties."

Mothers were noted for power to encourage kids to grow into good, pious citizens. Focus tightened on mother-child relationships. And Mother’s Day is a modern tale of love and attachment.

Author, speaker and child development specialist Marian Fritzemeier of Modesto, California, has two adult daughters and three grandchildren who will likely honor her with cards and small gifts, as well as a get-together and dinner. They'll juggle the timing of the actual celebration so that her kids' spouses can also celebrate with their moms.

She believes that a child's very future hinges on developing secure relationships and strong emotional bonds. Mother is often among if not the first place those bonds form.

"Attachment is an emotional bond between an infant and a caring adult. It means somebody is responding consistently to the infant," Fritzemeier said. Cries attract someone to figure out what's wrong, whether it's hunger, a need to be burped or stimulated or changed, or just a familiar and loving voice. Moms are often that early primary caregiver, she noted.

Strong, healthy attachment "provides a foundation for life, not just in infancy, but adolescence and into adulthood," she said.

At home, Fritzemeier is surrounded by trinkets and pictures her children have made her. "You don't have to spend a lot of money. A lot of families don't have it. Mother's Day can be breakfast in bed, a meal together, perhaps a barbecue," she said. Pick flowers from your yard or ask to pick your neighbor's.

 

 





Pretend and Imaginative Play

by Dr. Marian Fritzemeier, Ed.D. ©2014

Author, Speaker, Educator

Strolling down the toy aisle with Parker, my three-year-old grandson, he's drawn towards playthings with push buttons. Buttons he hopes will make sounds and "talk" to him. As a child development specialist, I'm not too thrilled with his fascination because these toys don't leave much to the imagination.

"Grams, this one doesn't make any noise," he comments rather confused.

"You're right Parker, it doesn't. You have to use your imagination. You can pretend and make the stuffed dog say anything you want." An interesting concept for a child living in a computer generated world where imagination is virtually untapped.

Benefits. Pretend play helps children gain developmental benefits including creativity, imagination, self-confidence, mastering new concepts, and communication skills. So how can parents encourage pretend and imaginative play in a technological world? Provide open-ended toys and materials, dramatic play items, games, and interactions that facilitate children's play.

Open-Ended Toys. Begin by choosing toys and materials that are "open-ended." This means toys that offer different ways children can play with them. Examples of open-ended play items are blocks, cardboard boxes, wooden train sets, dress-up clothes, play dough, and art materials. Items children can build and create anything they dream of are ideal for imagination, such as: old fashioned wooden blocks, Duplos, Legos, Lincoln logs, Mega blocks, and magnetic blocks. One day children make a zoo while another time they construct a ferry.

Dramatic Play. Another way parents can enhance children's imaginations is through dramatic play. Building forts, houses, hospitals, and stores using common household items provides infinite creativity and pretending. Sheets, blankets, pillows, cardboard boxes, large appliance boxes, stools, chairs, and boards are great materials. Children can also imitate real-life events to advance pretend play. For example, if the dog goes to the vet, children can invent a pet hospital at home. A dentist's office, doctor's office, hair salon, pet store, or auto shop are other ideas.

Dress-up Clothes. Children also enjoy dress up clothes in adult sizes that you can discover at used clothing stores, such as Good Will. Choose items that represent both genders as well as clothes from different cultures. You'll enjoy watching your children try "adult" roles as they express themselves in pretend play.

Games. Games provide another way for expressing imagination. Once children learn rules to traditional board games ask them to generate a new game with different rules. You can also provide children with common game items and ask them to create a new game. "What kind of game can we play with a Frisbee and a ball?" You'll be amazed at how much fun they'll cultivate for your family

Benefits. Finally, talking to children while they play not only promotes children's vocabulary, communication skills, and storytelling, but helps children's imaginations. Suggestions like, "What else can you build?" or "How can you make your store higher?" stretches children's problem solving abilities and the beginnings of abstract thinking. Puppets are another great way to facilitate pretend play and vocabulary. A chair with a towel over it becomes a puppet stage. Encouraging your children to use their imaginations by providing a wide variety of play items and interactions will build skills that will last a lifetime.

Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/ playful-spring-time-2-1187577-s. Accessed 4/23/2014.