Book Review: All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

I consider David Elkind's book, All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis, a sequel to The Hurried Child previously reviewed. He felt compelled to write this book since many of the hurried children were now teenagers. "The result is a staggering number of teenagers who have not had the adult guidance, direction, and support they need to make a healthy transition to adulthood," p. vii.

Three Parts: This three part book is divided into Part I Needed: A Time to Grow; Part II Given: A Premature Adulthood; and Part III Results: Stress and Its Aftermath. The book is well documented with references. An appendix provides a list of services for troubled teenagers.

Adolescents, Not Children. Elikind begins his book by tracing the history of teenagers in chapter 1: Teenagers in Crisis. The next chapter provides an excellent understanding of how adolescents think in Thinking in a New Way. The Perils of Puberty follows in chapter 3. Chapter 4 Peer Shock addresses the three ways adolescence differs from childhood.

Part II of All Grown up and No Place to Go addresses the Vanishing Markers that have contributed to "...the absence of a special place for teenagers in our society..." p. 111. Chapter 6 identifies the Postmodern Permeable Family followed by School for Scandal. Part III concludes with Stress, Identity, and the Patchwork Self; Teenage Reactions to Postmodern Stressors, with the last chapter providing valuable information for Helping Teenagers Cope.

A Must Read. If you are a parent, relative, educator, social worker, or a person who has contact with teenagers, this book is a must read. No one explains the cultural changes and how they've negatively affected adolescents like psychologist David Elkind.

Book Information: All Grown Up and No Place to Go: Teenagers in Crisis by David Elkind, De Cappo Press, Revised Edition 1998. Barnes & Noble paperback $13.62.

Teens & Money Part 2: Vacations, Checking Accounts, and Credit Cards

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

Your adolescents are growing so fast you can hardly keep up. Have you noticed how much more money you're spending on them? Every time you turn around, they need money for something...new clothes, a school club activity, basketball shoes, a movie with friends, and the list goes on and on. Add to these increasing costs, in a few short years your teenager will become an adult and live independently. What money management skills will they need?

Planning the Family's Vacation. One way to begin giving your adolescents real life experience is to ask them to plan your next family vacation based on the family's budget. You will need to walk alongside and help them create various categories, such as: gas and mileage, plane tickets, camping site or hotel costs per night, food for 3 meals a day and snacks, costs for entertainment, and souvenirs. This is an excellent strategy for teaching money management and how much things really cost. We found that our daughters really enjoyed planning our family vacations.

Savings and Checking Accounts. Hopefully, you opened a joint savings account in your children's names when they were in preschool or elementary school. If not, make sure your teen creates a savings account now. When your teenagers reach age sixteen, help them obtain a checking account. Do this earlier if they already are earning income from assorted jobs.

Special Offers. Many banks offer special accounts for students. It is important for young people to understand simple banking procedures. Even with ATMs, it is ideal if your son or daughter knows how to write checks and balance a checkbook before they venture into the world on their own. The saying, "How can I be out of money, I still have checks," is a reality for many.

Credit Cards for Teens? At the beginning of your son or daughter's senior year in high school, consider applying for a credit card in their name with you as a co-signer. You can create a very low maximum amount on the card. Our daughters' credit card limit was $250.00. We chose that amount because it would cover many emergency situations. It is way better to teach your young person about credit cards while still under your roof.

Colleges & Credit Cards. Unfortunately, banks appear in mass on college campuses every fall practically handing out credit cards to 18-year-olds. When these students max out their credit cards and don't make payments, the banks go after their parents. Legally, their parents aren't responsible, but many will pay for their child's "mistakes." It has become such a problem nationwide, that many colleges are not allowing banks to access their students on campus.

Now or Later? When would you like your teenager to learn about budgeting, savings, checking accounts, and credit cards? When the stakes are low and the kids are close to home or after they leave your nest with the possibility of costly lessons? 

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/.sale-1430736-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.

Teens & Money Part 1: Designer Jeans, Coupons and Budgets

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Why do we always have to use a coupon to buy my clothes?" laments my eleven-year-old daughter. "I want them today."

"You know we have a clothing budget. We can get more for our money if we wait until the item is on sale and we have a coupon," I try explaining once again. 

"Everyone else's moms just buys their designer jeans even if they're not on sale," she retorts trying for the mother guilt button. 

The Budget

This conversation changed significantly one year later when our seventh grader was given her very own clothing budget. "Mom, do you have any coupons? I need some jeans," I proudly heard. She was allotted a monthly amount but could use up to three months of budget money at a time if necessary. Since our daughters were in year-round school, budget money for three months seemed reasonable.

Planning
No, we didn't just give our adolescents money and let them have a free for all. We talked about special events coming up, seasonal items like coats and swimsuits, what still fits from last season, do they need new undergarments, what about shoes, ways they can update their wardrobe inexpensively, and yes, how buying items on sale and using coupons saves money.

Care of Clothes
Because they knew the cost of every item purchased, they took great care of their clothes when they began doing their own laundry at age thirteen (see previous blog, Laundry or Writing?).

Special Events
As they entered high school and needed dresses for special events such as the winter formal and the prom, we paid for half the dress cost up to a certain amount. Young men will need additional budget money for winter formal sports coats and renting tuxedoes for the prom.

Designer Clothes
When they wanted additional clothing or designer clothing items that cost more, they used gift money or worked for extra money. Other families we know paid up to a certain amount for clothing items, such as a pair of jean or athletic shoes, and the young person paid the difference.

How Much Money?
I'm purposely not sharing how much money we gave them for two reasons. My daughter's are young adults and inflation has occurred since they were teenagers. Secondly, each family has an income; some may have a larger budget for clothing, while others families will have smaller budgets. You may think you can't afford to give your adolescents a clothing budget, but if you honestly track how much you spend on their clothes, shoes, undergarments, etc. it adds up quickly. The point isn't so much about how much you allot for their budget, but teaching them the principles of money management.

Resist the Urge to Rescue
When you transition the budget responsibility to your young adults, please resist the temptation to rescue them when they spend all their clothing money and need something. They will not learn to plan ahead and use their money wisely if you rescue them. Keep in mind that they will eventually learn to live with the consequences if you allow them opportunities to learn. And in no time, they'll start asking, "Do you have any coupons?" and you will know you've done your job.


1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/.sale-1430736-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.
 

Save, Share, Spend & Other Money Matters

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Can I get a candy bar?"

"Can I have some money to buy a hot dog at the baseball snack shack?"

 "Can you buy me .....?"

Things Cost Money. Do you recognize these pleas for spending your money? In thinking about what money skills young people will need to live independently, the school age years are ideal for teaching about money management. At an early age, children learn that things they want cost money. They know what dollar bills in a birthday card are for.

In elementary school, usually during second grade, children learn the different types of money and how to make change. Some children spend their money immediately, while others save it for something they really want.

Share, Save, Spend. To encourage money management, saving, and giving, we gave each child three baby food jars marked with the words Share, Save, and Spend. Our daughters received a small allowance every Friday that they could spend on whatever they wanted after they put a dime for each dollar in the save jar, and a dime for each dollar in the share jar.

Ways to Share. As church attendees we wanted our daughters to learn about sharing with others. Sometimes they gave their "Share" money during a Sunday school class or to a special project, like the Angel Tree project for Christmas gifts for children with incarcerated parents.

Vacation Money. Another way we taught our girls about money was on family vacations. We provided meals for them, but we gave them a specific amount of money in an envelope for each day. The money was to cover the cost of snacks and souvenirs. This truly saved us money instead of paying for a snack, then another snack, then a souvenir, then another souvenir, etc. Sometimes they saved up several days to buy something they really wanted. We also discovered that there were happier to eat snacks we'd brought along instead of using "their money" to buy snacks.

Modeling Money Choices. Most importantly, money management needs to be modeled by you. If you want your children to save and share with others, they need to see you doing likewise. If you want them spending money responsibly on vacation, let them watch you doing the same. With money matters, much is "caught." Let your children catch you being a wise steward of the finances entrusted to you.

Resources:

www.sharesavespend.com
www.threejars.com
Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/  green-piggy-bank-isolated-546207-s. Accessed 4/18/2014.

 

Book Review: The Trophy Kids Grow Up

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D.
Author, Speaker, Educator

           One of the best books I've read is The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millennial Generation is Shaking up the Workplace, by Ron Alsop.

         The Millennial Generation

           If you work with young people who were born between 1980 and 2001, information about the Millennial Generation (also called Generation Y and Generation Next) explains about this new kind of student, worker, and global citizen. These children received "trophies" or rewards for most everything they've ever done. Now they're entering the workforce demanding "rewards" for completing standard job responsibilities.

           Fortune 500 Companies
          The "helicopter parent" provides the foundation for Alsop's observations. Their children are showing up with college degrees at Fortune 500 Companies and bringing their parents with them for interviews and salary negotiations. You've probably heard of "Take Your Daughter to Work," but he addresses "Take Your Parents to Work" and the challenges this is creating for corporate America.

          Stirring Up the Workplace
          This eleven chapter, 262 page book, addresses the millennial generation's tendencies, how the millennials and employers will adapt to one another, and organizations who are taking the lead in effectively working with this generation and their parents. The book cover states, "The Trophy Kids Grow Up will show employers, parents, and millennials themselves how this remarkable generation promises to stir up the workplace--and perhaps the world."

           Book Information: The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millennial Generation is Shaking up the Workplace, Ron Alsop, Jossey-Bass, 2008. Available from Amazon.com. Hardcover $15.95, Kindle Edition $13.72. Also available in audio edition.  

We Don't Have Any Money! Money Matters for Preschoolers

Dr. Marian C. Fritzemeier, Ed.D. © 2013

Author, Speaker, Educator

"Mommy, I want candy."

"We don't have money for that," I state.

I continue adding items from my shopping list to the grocery cart.

"I want donuts. Pleassssse," my three-year-old daughter begs.

 "We don't have any money," I explain once again.  "Count three cans of corn for mommy. That's right; you found three cans from our shopping list."

After several more times of telling my daughter we don't have any money, we finally finish our grocery list and approach the checkout stand. The clerk scans all the items and summarizes, "That will be $28.35."

"My mom doesn't have any money," my daughter quickly informs her.

My face reddens with embarrassment. The kind clerk informs her, "That's okay. I don't have any money either," as she smiles at me.

No Money for That
Of course my child thinks I don't have any money to buy groceries. How many times did I say that to her? What I neglected to explain to my three-year-old is that we have money for what we NEED, but not always for extra things that we WANT.

Wants versus Needs
So began our new campaign at home. When Kristen saw something she wanted, my husband and I started explaining the difference between a need and a want.  For example, "It would be really fun to have ..... Let's put it on your want list for the future." If it was something she needed, we clarified, "Yes, you're right. You need new shoes. Your old shoes are too small."

Over Time
By the time our daughters were in early elementary school, they could accurately identify the difference between a need and a want. God always provides for our needs. And many times He blesses us with our wants.

Lessons Learned
In the grocery store that day, I learned a key component of money management. We must teach our children the difference between a need and a want. It is a basic principle of training children about money. Do you know the difference? What about your children? Do they know the difference? Today's a perfect day for teaching this concept.

1. Image from: Stock.XCHNG www.sxc.hu/. coins-1428100-s. Accessed 4/17/2014.